Don’t tell her she is pretty for a Dark Skin girl

When you tell me beauty has no colour, who are you trying to convince, me or yourselves. I already know, that when it comes to race or colour there is no hierarchy of beauty. Beauty can be found everywhere. Not everyone thinks the same way.

Since slavery to this day people have continued to perpetuate the ridiculous idea that dark skinned is somehow undesirable and unattractive. The media tends to glorify the white standard of beauty for woman and unfortunately demonises dark skin. Lighter skin woman are portrayed more positively in comparison to darker skinned woman. They are viewed as intelligent, privileged more attractive whereas dark skin woman tend to get portrayed negatively. They get the obvious stereotypes such as the obese unattractive black girl or the angry black woman.

 I’m always intrigued when you hear people say I don’t want to stay in the sun too much I don’t wanna be to dark. Dear oh dear (shakes head). They say it as if its a bad thing.

All this has an affect on how the rest of society views darker skin woman and most importantly how they feel about themselves.

I am sure some of us at some point in our lives have had the experience of people saying:

“You’re pretty for a dark skin girl/black girl”.

This comment somehow makes reference to the idea that dark skinned girls cannot be attractive. So they are somehow surprised that you were slapped with the dark skin ugly stick.

 My first thought is

• Then my second thought is I don’t know whether to punch or kick you.

  “is that a complaint or an insult.”

Just kidding (or am I), generally an evil stare and a kmt with a hint of a debate, will do the trick.

I was watching a documentary called Dark Girls, (amazing documentary btw) a psychologist called Dr Cheryl Grills was giving us a brief history lesson to get an understanding of how we have got to this sad place.

From the point of slavery as black people we were treated as less than animals, we were not even valued as people or equals, so how were we meant to be valued for the beauty of our afro hair and dark skin. Lighter skinned children where born from slave masters and they were often given the privileges that came along with it. Post slavery black peoples skin was being compared to brown paper bags to prove their worth. (you must have all heard of the brown paper bag test) 

O how time has moved on. 

That was then, this is now. Although the situation has changed. Has the mentality changed?

It has taken People Magazine until 2014 to acknowledge Lupita Nyong’o as the most beautiful woman. Woman like Lupita have existed. So why has it taken so long to start seeing positive images of dark skin woman with 4c afro hair in the media and acknowledging them as beautiful or attractive.

Personally, growing up I have never really had major issues with my skin colour but being bombarded with images of European standards of beauty. I did find myself having to learn to love who I was and find my own way in the world. Hearing stories of how many girls have grown up with the notion of self-hate due to the fact they have dark skin, is unfair.

In an interview with Look Magazine Lupita mentions how she would pray to go to bed and wake up with fairer skin. Some girls would try and scrub there skin with domestic bleach. Things like this break my heart thinking that young girls are going through these situations often by themselves. This is not the future I want for my children. 

The Art of Thrifting

This was my first ever blog post originally posted on Modsteha blog is you didn’t get to read it there then here is another chance. 

According to the urban dictionary thrifting is when one visits several different charity shops, second-hand shops, and vintage clothing stores in the hopes of buying several items of cheap and unusual clothing. One usually does this with friends.

 

When you tell people you love the art of thrifting you often get mixed reviews. Some people love it as they are intrigued, they become intentive listeners to find how they can grab fab bargains like you do, however it’s the awkward, often amusing moment when someone says, aren’t you just wearing dead peoples clothes or eeeeew you don’t know who they belonged to. I find it quite amusing because of course you wash them before you even think about wearing them. It always makes me laugh a little, no scratch that a lot inside when people shop in high street stores and say I’m not going to buy this or that because I know loads of other people will have it, well duh that is what the high street is about, if that’s your biggest issue then shop in the high street no more there are alternatives.

 

Another mans/womans trash is another mans/ womans treasure is a

well-loved term for me. I often find myself wanting to thank the people for giving away such amazing stuff. Deep down I have always been a bit of a cheap skate you would always find in the bargain section of any store. So when I came across the term thrifting a few years ago it almost made it cool, It was a term I first assumed came from America I came to accept and the love the term. I often see people in expensive things and all I think to myself is I can get it much cheaper and it will still look just as good. Lately I’ve been posting my thrift finds on Instagram and found the feedback has be great so I thought I would share my experiences of being a proud amateur thrifter.

 

    When thrifting I never go with an idea of what I want, this keeps your mind open to the possibilities of what the thrift store has to offer. Take a thrifting buddy, I have one she is a friend that understands my mind works at a 100 miles per second so she somehow keeps up with me and is very accepting of my choices. Also be prepared to travel so enjoy it and make a day out of it. The thrift shop is often very representative of the area it is situated in so therefore ROAD TRIP!!!! opportunity. Become regulars in your local thrift stores and check back on a regular basis, they will often be more likely to offer better deals and they also replenish stock quicker and more often than high street stores. Most importantly think outside the box.

There is often potential in everything you find in these thrift stores. It often takes the right person or situation to unlock that potential but once you do, the possibilities are endless. I called this blog post the art of thrifting because there is an art to it. This involves creativity, patience and individuality and these things can be nurtured but cannot be taught. Once you unlock this art your life will never be the same again.

Take home message ‘to live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong’ Joseph Chilton Pearce.

Thrift away

Afro Hair Myths 101

I have been on a journey with my hair, as I am sure we all have. I cannot count the amount of times a comb has broken in my hair. The amount of times my twist outs and bantu knot outs have failed or how many times my head has been burnt by a hot comb. However it’s all part of the fun. Over the years I have started to think of my my natural hair as an option and become more accepting of it. However it still remains evident that society has not caught up yet. There are so many stereotypes and mis-information surrounding Afro hair.

 Here are a series of Afro Hair Myths blog post to put these myths to bed.

Afro Hair Myths #1

Black Hair doesn’t grow

As a Black woman, if your hair is naturally long it is almost assumed that you are somehow mixed in some way. Or it must somehow be fake. Believe it or not black woman’s hair can grow

Firstly hair is hair no matter who’s head it is on. It has the same chemical composition. Protein, carbon, oxygen, hydrogen, nitrogen and sulphur. Therefore with proper management surely we all have the same potential for growth as other races (In theory yes, obviously we have to take in consideration genetics as well)

However it is important to note that because of the characteristics of our hair type we have a tighter curl pattern and as a result of this tighter curl pattern our hair is prone to being dry. The scalp does produce its own oils however due to the curly nature of our hair these oils will not make it to all parts of the hair strand, if the hair is not looked after properly it is prone to break. Which means keeping your hair moisturised daily is so important.

On average your Afro hair grows about 6 inches a year. This is half an inch a month.

So why are we not seeing this growth?

Some of the reasons we may not be seeing this hair growth is due to.

• Hair products that dry out and damage but not preserve afro hair.
• Mis-use of brushes.
• In-correct use of perm, or using perm in general.
• Protective styles that are not so protective.
• Overuse of heat styling products.

The key to having longer hair is to minimize breakage. So with the proper care and attention to your hair regime, to the hair products you are using, over time you can achieve longer hair.

Another factor that contributes to this notion that black woman’s hair doesn’t grow is the magic of shrinkage. Depending on the tightness of the curl I read somewhere that the hair can shrink up to 75% of its true length. Shrinkage makes the hair appear a lot shorter then it actually is.

There are so many different techniques to combat shrinkage. However showing visual images of shrinkage will give you a better understanding of the sheer deception.

Black Girls Hair doesn’t grow……psst

Bish Please

Afro Hair Myths #2

Black Hair is unmanageable

“My hair is so unmanageable it’s thick, coarse, frizzy and dry and I don’t know what to do with it. I’M TIRED OF IT.”

As Black woman we are always being sold the next horrendous chemical relaxing system in order to apparently make our hair more “manageable.” I use the term loosely because my hair does not need managing, Thank You.

Even if it did I don’t need to be told how to ‘manage’ my hair by a society that has no idea about a Black woman’s hair. This is a negative selling technique that perpetuates the notion that tells you your hair is not good enough in its natural state and it needs to be changed. Therefore they create a problem for you and create a solution.

5 years ago the quote at the top would have been me, but now unmanageable is defiantly not a word I would associate with Afro Texture hair. People often think that its unmanageable because they have spent so much time and money on weaves and perm they actually have had no real experience of dealing with their own hair. The lack of experience and the lack of time and patience often leads people to the feeling of frustrated and upset.

If you haven’t tried anything how do you know that you can’t do it. Instead of thinking about our hair being unmanageable think more along the lines of. How can I take better care of my hair to get the desired results.

Afro textured  hair is actually really versatile just gotta believe in it and believe in your journey.

Afro Hair Myths #3

Black Hair is unattractive

In a society that values Eurocentric standards of beauty where does thick, kinky, curly, afro wool type hair fit into the notion of being beautiful.

At one point in history beauty was defined by the idea of the brown paper bag test. Then it was the idea of snow and blow. If your skin is as white as snow and your hair blows in the wind you were by default considered beautiful. Anything that went against this was considered ugly and unattractive.

There are probably people who would say this happened so long ago, Why is it still an issue. Why can’t you just love yourself?  I mean look at Lupita she is so beautiful.

It is important to note that this belief is deeply embedded in the history of colonialisation which has set the precedence of what is beautiful and acceptable within the wider society.

You can’t change decades of hatred with a few token black people regardless of how beautiful they are. These false perceptions of beauty based on Eurocentric standards have been forced upon all nations to this day. Let’s face it we rarely see dark skin woman or woman with afro texture hair in mainstream advertisements.

Even within the black community we are more likely to celebrate woman with a looser texture hair instead of a woman with 4c hair unless her hair is really long.

Similar to something I said in my previous post. People often think their hair is unattractive because they have not yet had any real experience in appreciating its beauty. Basically the more we see natural hair textured woman (and I mean all textures) across many different platforms the more of a norm it will become.

Be dope, Be genuine, Be you

Afro Hair Myths #4

Black hair is unprofessional

Many black women have come under scrutiny in the workplace for wearing their hair in its natural state or what is consider ethnic hairstyles. Many women have been encouraged to wear weave and opt for a straighter hairstyle and disguise their afro to obtain employment.  A well-known blogger Simone (@hairissimba, Instagram) was a victim of discrimination after a recruitment agency asked her to remove her braids or risk missing out on a job opportunity. How fair is this? Surely a job offer should be based on merit, knowledge, experience or even personality.

This negativity of natural hair and ethic hairstyles in the workplace, stems from anti-blackness, inherited racism and the misogyny this western society still breeds.

       It is so ingrained in us; I remember watching a documentary in which black woman themselves said that they were unlikely to turn up to an interview with natural hair. This documentary I watched was a while back and I do wonder if this same idea resonates amongst the black female community today. With the rise in bloggers sharing their natural hair journeys, I would think that this would encourage many others not to conform.

It does not make sense that something natural, something God given would be look at as unprofessional.

If I’m being honest it doesn’t surprise me. When we think about what is professional we often look towards the corporate world as the gold standard and I’m sure it is obvious to see that in the UK the corporate world is not saturated with black females therefore as a minority we will be seen as different. We know people don’t like difference to much. They would much prefer a uniform work force.

We just need to encourage and support each along our hair journey regardless of what we chose to do. It’s your hair you have the freedom to do what you please.

Don’t change your hair to suit them

They should change their attitude to suit you